I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
