i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
