Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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