I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So. Much. Porn.
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