Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
