Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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