so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
