I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
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