If i come over, it means nothing
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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