I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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