after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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