yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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