dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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