i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize