Swine flu is the new snow day.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
