kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
