Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize