I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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