Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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