I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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