3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
