So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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