im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
