It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
