it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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