Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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