I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
