You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
