I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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