She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
