I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
