Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
