We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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