think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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