Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize