I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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