if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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