Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
