Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize