So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Even my vagina gasped.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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