You work out of a Hotel?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
