Hey man sorry I got all grabby
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
