I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
