I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
In America we eat man semen.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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