ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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