literally had 100 drinks last night.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
