Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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