Swine flu. Run for my life!
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
