the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
