Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
