i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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