Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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