I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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