Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize