i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
