She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
