As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
