the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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