You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
