I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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