its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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