either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
