even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
