Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
What a dumb baby whore.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
