I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize