Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
