I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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