she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I am spending my child support on dildos
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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