I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize