this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
