Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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