hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
