Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
