Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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