mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
